Sunday, February 2, 2014

~~For Love of Minecraftia: Chapter Seven--Puppetry is Evil~~

He left a few hours later, with much a greater understanding of the inner workings of my mind, as well as an increased appreciation for the beauty of Minecraft. I’d showed him the screenshots I’d printed off from the game, and some of them he actually borrowed so he could take home, photocopy them, and put them up in his own room. Well, Notch, looks like I just got you another devotee!

One of the best moments was when he said this: “I am a commander of these words. I am the king of this story. I am the God of this place. I am a writer, and I will finish the shit that I started. Amen.”

I stared at him, and said, “So that’s why you keep writing so much?”

He grins, nodding. “I keep writing in the hopes that one day I’ll be good. I also write because I do love it—more than I can ever say.”

We talked like this for a while after that, while my mind busily found the perfect thing to say back: “I am a commander of these blocks. I am the creator of this world. I am the owner of this game. I am a Minecraft player, and I will finish the shit buildings that I started. Amen.”

He said the last word with me, grinning. He held out a hand, and I high fived him instantly. He grinned, remarking, “That went a lot better than it did in the hospital. It’s nice to know that you aren’t as strong as a wet noodle.”

That was right around when I tackled him.

I grinned, lying on my bed, thinking about him. He was an amazing guy, but why was he so prominent in my head? Why did he keep showing up whenever I tried to think about Minecraft? Why, when I started work on some more of the blueprints, I found myself doodling his name in the corner of the page—almost ruining a perfectly good sheet of graph paper with my carelessness.

I kept trying though, working as much as I could. But then I found myself designing a statue that spells his name. God, what was wrong with me? Was my head screwed on wrong? Thinking that might be the case—weirder things HAVE happened recently—I got up out of bed and stared at myself in the mirror, poking myself in the head and neck just to make sure I couldn’t find anything wrong. Naturally, there was nothing wrong, even though I was pretty sure I never wanted to be poked again after the multiple poking attacks I’d undergone earlier.

Deciding I was crazy, I went back to bed, curling up comfortably. I nuzzled up with some of my toys, slowly drifting off to sleep.


Somehow it didn’t surprise me that I woke up to that…..

Rolling groggily out of bed, I decided it was time I investigate the source of the incredible annoyance. Yawning sleepily, I scampered down the steps, grabbing my sword before heading right back outside. Tracking the noise, I headed up the stairs, where one of the oddest sights I had ever seen waited me.

There, at the top of the hill, lay a large…thing. It had a large rectangular piece cut out from the front, a base proclaiming something I couldn’t yet read, and bright red curtains on either side of the opening. As I got closer, I could see something that looked for all the world like….

The Potter Puppet Pals.

They were the source of the awful song.

I walked towards them, my sword held by my side. I couldn’t bear hurting them….I had to find a way to break them out! I loved these wonderful puppets—they were some of the most watched videos I knew. I could think of only one way to break them out—I started making a tick, tick noise. Sure enough, Snape started singing—“Snape, Snape, Severus Snape….”

The others soon joined in, and I couldn’t help but dance to the familiar noise. Not long after, I realized I wasn’t dancing alone—and the creature that had joined me had soulless black eyes and brown fur….

Pedobear was back.

I NOPE’d my way out of there, screaming and running like the devil was chasing me. Sure enough, the twisted teddy bear chased me, calling out to me, telling me to stop and play with him. “Wouldn’t a little girl like you love a bear like me? I can cuddle you back!” he yelled, his paws hitting the ground in staccato thuds.

In response to the rather rhythmic running we were producing, the Potter Puppet Pals continued to sing even louder, having replaced the sound of the ticking pipe bomb with the sound of me trying to get away from being molested.

Finally, I was back home, hiding in my storage area. My armor was on, my sword was out, and I was ready to face whatever came down those steps trying to kill me.

Suddenly, I heard a different voice yell in fear as thunder crashed, and Pedobear let out a loud happy growl. “What a pretty boy!” yelled the bear, and I felt my stomach hit the floor.

Sorry, but now that I wrote that, I have to include a bit of this: Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the FLOOOOR!

In fact, I suggest you have that in mind—or better yet, be listening to it—as you continue to read. I can guarantee that it will make my crazy story seem…even crazier.

Now, bolstered by the strength and anger found in that song, I charged up the steps. I can’t let anyone be hurt by Pedobear! I thought to myself, as I rounded the corner, running towards the pool area where I had heard the screams. Especially not….I rounded the corner….


I stared at her. She was cowering in the corner. The bear was swimming across the pool towards her. All he had to do was swim a few more strokes, climb out of the pool, and he’d have her.

“HARUHI, RUN!” I yelled, not caring about strength. She saw me, and the bear whirled. Haruhi bolted, trying to reach me, but the bear heard her move and just ran for her.

I was behind Pedobear in less than a second, jumping at him and driving him into the pool, screaming a war cry. I automatically regretted it, seeing as I promptly swallowed pool water, but it was worth it to protect…her.

I stabbed at Pedobear, sinking the sword into its arm. It bled, and I knew the sound it would make, shuddering as I heard the sounds of children crying.

I stabbed again and again, until finally I was certain that the bear was dead. Panting for breath, I scrambled out of the pool, dripping with bear blood and pool water. Haruhi was standing by the doorway, dressed in an oversized sweater and jeans. She blushed, looking up at me. “Thank you for saving me, miss…?”

“Mitchie, Mitchie Nathans. I’m glad I got there in time. How did you get in here?”

Haruhi shrugged, and I couldn’t think for a moment, just staring at how cute she was. Her face was the perfect mix of baby fat and bone, her eyes were perfect, and she just was…incredible. Her soft ragged hair cut was one I wished I could imitate—just the right concentration of ragged and styled. Realizing I was staring, and had also missed her answer to my question, I blushed and said awkwardly: “So, uh….Would you like something to eat?”

Her stomach growling was more than enough of an answer for me. Grinning to myself, I walked past her, guiding her to my kitchen. “I don’t have very much. I have some milk, bread, pork, and fish. I know it’s not very much, but….”

Haruhi shook her head. “No, no, just some of that is fine. The place I was staying at before had too much sweets.”

I grinned. “Where were you at before?”

“Some fancy school for the filthy rich and smart.”

I nodded, starting to get out some food. Insisting on carrying all of the food myself, I led the way to the dining room. I set it down on the table, the pair of loaves of bread, the pork, the fish, and the pair of milk buckets almost filling the table to its capacity. Haruhi sat down beside me, and just started digging into it, like she hadn’t eaten in months. I stared at her in wonderment. Of all the people to show up in Minecraft, she had to be the one….

I realized I was staring at her again when she said, “Would you mind if I..uh, ate some of your food? I’m starved.”

I grinned. “Sure, go right ahead. I don’t mind at all.”

She was about to take a bite when I found myself back in bed, something sharp stabbing my in the chest.

I screamed.

And opened my eyes, staring right into a pair of blue cat eyes. It was only cloud. Smiling softly, I petted the kitty, unable to stop myself from being a bit mad at the cat for ending such an amazing dream. However, I couldn’t mind too much—you forgive cute things a lot.

Gently, I pried the cat’s claws from my chest, setting Cloud down on the bed beside me. I looked over at the clock—it was two in the afternoon.

I didn’t think too much of it. That is, until I saw the date.

Yesterday had been December 1st.

Today was December 3rd.

What happened to the second?

I swore, getting up with a bit of difficulty. I hadn’t felt so stiff in forever. As I was disentangling myself from my sheets, I was pleased to note that I had not wet the bed that much. Ahem, I meant that the pool was not all that wet from the night’s adventures in Minecraft. I did not mean that I peed the bed. However, from the feeling arising from my bladder, I would be in danger of that before long.

Swearing quietly about how drinking too much milk before bed is a bad idea, I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I took care of business quickly, ad headed down for coffee. As I was spooning the instant coffee into the mug, my dad came up beside me and asked, “Mitchie, what’re these scratch marks all over your shoulder?”

“Oh, he must’ve scratched me earlier….I didn’t even notice. I’m glad the bed isn’t stained or wet, though. It got pretty hectic last night.” I replied unthinkingly.

One second passed. Another second passed. And another.

It took me ten seconds more to understand why my dad was being so quiet….

I turned around very slowly, and said with as much emphasis as I could muster: “I swear I didn’t have sex, Dad!”

I don’t think I had ever seen him laugh harder. He doubled up laughing, his eyes almost rolling up in his head from how crazy funny he found this one moment in our relationship. About a second later, the tea kettle whistled right behind me, causing me to jump several feet in the air. He only laughed harder, of course. I kind of knew it would only cause him to do that. Sighing, I continued making my coffee. “So, you’re not even surprised I slept the entire day yesterday?”

My dad nodded, before seeming to make a decision. “Mitchie…I think there’s something I need to tell you.”

I looked up at him curiously, leaning against the counter, nursing my cup of heaven and wakefulness. He looked at me for a second, before turning right around, motioning for me to follow after him.

He led the way all the way up to the very top of the house, to the large attic that served as his studio. He opened the old creaking door, sitting down on a stool he had used to provide customers as a place to sit while he painted them. I sat down on his own bench across from him, hoping I hadn’t gotten too much dust onto my pants.

He took a few seconds to open his mouth. “Mitchie Rich, you’ve got a good deal of magic in you.”

I stared at him for a few seconds, not at all sure what he meant. “You mean creative magic, right?”

He shook his head. “No, I mean real magic. Anything you’re obsessed with….Any world that has been created, by anyone, you can enter in your dreams. I had the same thing when I was younger.”

I just kept staring at him. “You’re joking, right?”

He simply shook his head again, looking at me closely. “I know you think I’m crazy, but I am not lying to you. I wish I was. I wish this gift, both awful and more fun than anything you will ever experience, had ended with me. My dad had it. So did his. I had planned to let the magic die with me, but your mother had to forget to buy enough condoms that night….”


What did he just say?

I stared at him. He stared back. He realized what he said. He facepalmed. “Well….Yeah, that led to you. You were an accident, but I love you so much. I don’t think I could have a life without a daughter as amazing as you are.”

I smiled, and hugged my dad tight, getting up to do so. He hugged me back tightly, smiling softly. After a while, I said quietly, “Can I die in the…dreams?”

He nodded, and seeing the terrified look on my face that showed less than a second later, he sighed. “Relax, Mitchie. Smile. If you die in Minecraft, you don’t die for real. The only way that I know of for you to die is the ending of your world.”

I nodded, figuring it made as much sense as anything else that had been going on in my life. My dad smiled at me, not entirely surprised by how calmly I was taking it.

Well, he only thought I was taking it calmly. Outwardly, I understood what was going on and didn’t need to suddenly run around screaming, but inside I was actually running around screaming. This was scaring me. What if I got obsessed with a scary game? Would I get hurt? Would I lose limbs? If the water came through….What else would come through when I wake back up?

Naturally, the only question that succeeded in coming out of my mouth was: “When will I get my game back?”

He simply laughed. “So you haven’t checked out the memory stick yet? Disappointing, kiddo. And besides it shouldn’t take any brain power at all to realize it.”

“YOU FREAKING PUT THE GAME ON A MEMORY STICK?” I yelled. Okay, so I really should not have yelled so loud, but I was happy I would be able to get access to my favorite addiction again.

My dad grinned, nodding. He hugged me tight. “I love you, Mitchie. I wish you luck in your travels. What people have you met, anyways? I spent a lot of time with Mickey Mouse.”

I stared at him for a few seconds. Of course he did—would explain why he had several things definitely dedicated to Mickey Mouse. I rolled my eyes, before telling him he just would not understand any of the things I had seen. He wasn’t really into ANY of today’s culture….He had always been a fan of old things.

We talked for a while longer. Eventually, he guided me out of my study, telling me he’d get me some food. Happily, I plopped myself down in the living room. He headed to the kitchen, cooking us up some food. Smiling, I curled up in the blankets, flicking on the TV. It was turned to the news.

Around ten seconds into the news bulletin, I yelled for my dad. He came running. Together, we both stared at the news.

“Notch, creator of Minecraft, has revealed that the random characters showing up on a handful of multiplayer servers will be removed soon. Coming up next: The weather with Darton Jay.”

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