Friday, March 28, 2014

~~I Feel Worse~~

You don't
Get it
You don't believe me
At all.
You care about
But the grades I bring
Home; but you
Should be worried
About the things
I hide.
If you had ever really
Thought about it,
You might be able to see
What is so very
Wrong with me.
I was broken--
Can't you tell?
You broke me,
Beloved parents,
When you taught me I couldn't
Tell you I was hurt
Without you hurting me.
Can't you see the signs?
I cried
I screamed
I said I hated you
Can't you tell
At all?
Isn't there any part
Of me
You look at?
Isn't there any way
You notice?
What the hell
Is wrong
With me?
You don't give
A damn
About me.
You don't care
At all.
You don't notice
A thing.
You just act like
I should be perfect,
When you don't
Even try
To pretend to care.
Is it so easy
To ignore
The fact that you broke me
And then slammed the door?
You closed me off
From myself,
And made it so
I had no one to trust.
Because of you,
I longed for the
Affection and attention
I never found at home.
You always think that
I do things
For attention,
But do you ever wonder
Why do I feel like
I have to go so far
Just to feel that
You notice me at all?
Why would a girl
Feel like she has to
All but kill herself,
Just so her parents
Pay attention?
Do you never
Look deeper?
Do you never
Stop to wonder?
Do you never
Ponder the reason
Do you never
Give a fucking damn?
Do you never
Give a damn
About my broken self?
I'd ask if you cared,
If I felt like
You'd give me an honest answer.
I'd stop to beg
For attention,
If I thought you'd
Hear my pleas.
I'd tell you
Why I was broken,
If I thought for one
That you'd understand,
Instead of taking away
The only reasons
I've kept fighting
For so long.
If I felt like
You'd understand,
It would not
Have gotten
This fucking bad.
It would not
Have gotten this far
If I felt you had tried
To reach out,
Instead of just
Yelling at me.
I know I disappointed you,
But you
Disappointed me, too.
You left me alone
To break down
And cry.
You left me alone
To break down....
And cry.
I feel worse
Because you exist.
I feel worse
Because you don't care.
You lie and say
You give a damn,
But I just feel
Like that isn't true
At all.
Prove to me
You love me.
Prove to me
You care.
It isn't enough
To say you'll listen:
You need
To actually try.
I'm sorry
I failed you--
Are you sorry
You failed me?

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love you, random stranger. Thanks for dropping by, and for dropping a line. --Half Mad Writer