~~If I Could Go Back...~~

I'm uncertain of my path

The darkness inside, the hell ahead

If I stop walking, will I burn?

If I turn back and look behind me, who will be following?

I'm uncertain of my past

All the memories I once had, now sliding away

Some forced away out of pain

Even though I had once held them dear

I'm uncertain of all things

What the Fool had done

When he pulled me away...

Did he do right?

I was wrenched between two men

Both perfect, both horrific

Weakness of one; strength of the other

Who could I choose?

They both offered no assistance

Swearing they care even though they cause the tears

They both told me to choose the others

Even though that hurt the most

I know they wanted me

So why did they never fight?

I know they cared about me

So why did they make me choose?

If I could go back

I would take all those words of love away

Better isolation than this familiar pain

Better loneliness than hate-tainted love

If I could go back

I would make a choice sooner

I would choose to walk away

Before I was forced to lie again

Do I love Ian? Love the man

Who has known me more than any other?

Accepted me, through hell and high water?

Do I love him?

That remains to be seen

I believe I do......I fear losing him

I crave his company

Is that love....?