Sunday, March 10, 2013

~~No One Else~~

Ah, the bitterness
The bitterness that hides fear
Fear of what? Of suffering again?
Of being hidden
Alone, cursed, damned?
Damned by my own will
By my own silence
If I could speak, look past it
I know I could grow
I have grown....
I am told I am the best kind of person
I claim selfishness
When in truth I am selfless
Giving so much and asking only
For affection
For something to toss on the balance
With the loneliness
And the shame
Even though a part of me knows
That all the affection is but a weak barrier
And that the dark will come again
And the pain will come again
Still I try and blind myself
To how afraid I am
And afraid of what? I am afraid
Of being alone
I am afraid
Of not being here
I am afraid
Of losing myself again
Drifting, forever
On shifting seas
I am afraid
Of losing my mind
Of losing control
I am afraid
I am afraid....
Ian has told me so much
And showed me what I've always known
But always avoided
Should I thank him, or damn him
For making me so awake?
I can not hide
From my mind
I must awaken
If I am to seize control
Of who I am
And who I am
Is bitter to hide the fear
Is childish to seek attention
Is weak to beg for another's help
Is strong only long enough that the burden
Can be passed on to another
However, I am awake
I do think
I do believe
Can I awaken?
Can I be
More than what I thought
More than what I knew
More than what everyone else
Believed me to be?
Can I understand the reason
Can I truly be
What Ian believes me to be?
I'm going to think quite a bit
Understand myself
See what insights I can find
Many will be posted here, as per usual
Blog readers, no one else
Has listened so patiently as you
Namely because this is just
Words on a screen
You've never spoken to me
I wish.....
I wish I could awaken.
I think I can.....
For now though...
I should sleep
The night lasts long
And the day draws near.
Farewell, readers mine
Fellow wanderers
May you to comprehend
And understand that
What comes before
What comes after.

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I love you, random stranger. Thanks for dropping by, and for dropping a line. --Half Mad Writer