Ah, hello dearhearts! I believe it's time for a quick--and I do mean quick; I don't have that long to do this--story.
Well, loves, if you've been following me since the beginning you'd remember a guy by the name of Joseph. Yes, the guy who my stalker/enemy Beth always talks to; the racist, homophobic, sexist, and heavily Christian guy I used to have a crush on back in grade nine and turned me down.
Well, last night he sat beside me on the bus and told me this: "I actually...did like you. I was just too scared of getting hurt again to tell you."
YOU WAITED TWO YEARS TO TELL ME?
I got over him a good long time ago. And I've been ignoring him quite successfully for about a year and a half now. And now he tells me?
Now, when things with Ian hurt so much, but by the gods they're worth it?
Now, when I'm finally managing to do well?
Now, when I least want someone around?
Okay, well my delightful readers, I regretfully didn't turn him down automatically. I wanted to be nice. Nice is bad. Nice is really bad. By "didn't turn him down" I mean I didn't tell him to go to hell. So we talked a bit last night on the bus, and he said he had been depressed for the past two years and really regretting what had happened between us. Well, I got home and then forgot to talk to Ian about it.
I was hugely missing Ian last night and I was scared and oh-so-sad, because he wasn't there and he was always napping when all I ever want to do when I get home is talk to him....And then I thought for a bit about breaking up but then NO, no no no I can't even think about that....But then things got better because we Skyped and played UNO and now we're okay. I just needed to see him to blast all the doubt away. He does need to be around more....But, hey, he's out of school in about three weeks so...we'll be able to talk more before I travel. It'll be okay.
Um, well back to Joseph!
This morning, he sat down on the bus beside me and he gave me fake flowers; he said he couldn't find any real ones in the garden.
I want to make a very sad point: I dated Ted for a year, and he never once gave me flowers. I know he doesn't have the money for it, but...COME ON DUDE! Anyways.....It just sucks. So, the first flowers I ever get are from someone I haven't spoken to in years and no longer like? A guy who, logically, should absolutely hate me?
WHY, WORLD?! WHY!?!
Do you hate me, life?
Do you really hate me that much that you would do this?
I'm definitely not going to go out with Joseph. I might be lonely, and I might desperately be needing touch and comfort and someone here, but I am NOT THAT DESPERATE.
I don't know what I'm doing!
I don't want to be mean to him, because unfortunately I pity the dude.
Yeah....The world hates me.
I'm so tired of this....
Ian, baby, when you read this....
I love you.
Just....Hug me super-tight, okay? Please?
I can't do this alone....
And now, I gotta run loves. I'll try to post more later on in the day, but if not, I'll see all you darlings tomorrow morning.
Bye, oh my beautiful ones!