~~Never Had a Voice~~

Never had a voice to protest

As if I would use it if I did

You know more than most what I need

And why I always run back

I reach out to you

The Shadowed Memory

The Silent Man

And the Glowstone

I try to touch, but I'm burned

As if by flame

I pull my hand back, and watch

As the skin heals instantly

Back to the dark I retreat

To the inner pit of longing

When I imagine that I am alone

And can freely run

But don't think I'll protest

Being held captive by loving hands

I'll adore the kindness you grant me

While inside I curse myself for foolishness

I curse myself for loving

Those I know I shouldn't

Dreaming of someone undamaged

Who's strong enough to hold me

I curse the damaged ones

Who cling to me so tight

When I know they'll never understand

And should never see

Why I so often turn from them

And nurse my own wounds, accumulated

Through my own doing, more times than most

And wallow in my own self-hatred

Until it's time again to play your games

And I let you pull me from my shadowed hell

Where I so thrive

And into the light, where you kiss me gently

I don't protest your touches

I don't protest your kisses

I don't protest how much you care

I don't protest, because I'm dying inside

Just to know you're there

And that I'm really not alone

Even though, inside, I know I'm cold

At least in your company I feel something more

More than the self-hatred

More than the ever present fear

More than the cursed disease

And more than the eternal loneliness....