Tuesday, January 1, 2013

~~Been A While~~

Been a while since I last could smile
Wondering when I'll next see you
Spending time playing Blaz Blue
And hoping I can die in style

Now that I am blogging
Seems like I must think
And make those thoughts sink
Into the white pages as the venom stings

From the small shard of ice in my heart
Left over from one too many tears
And one too many foolish fears
I stare at it, and try to start

Pulling it out of me
But it's stuck so deep inside
And there's nowhere for my life to hide
If it's gone, won't there be agony?

If I pull it out, won't I need to face
Every demon I've been avoiding
Since I was nothing but a kid, living
Her life as her dreams she did chase?

Won't I start to cry
And face all the self-hatred I don't like
And look in the mirror, and take a hike
Down memory lane, passing by

All the places I used to go
All the escapes I used to partake in
All the horrific memories of bullies and pain
God, what's down that path I don't want to know

It's been a while since I first got that shard
Been a while since I first cried
But even when I could swear I died
Recovery's never been too hard

Am I as far gone as I seem to believe?
Out of all the people I loved
And all the people away I shoved
How many of them really did leave?

I should recover my sanity
And take out this bit of ice
It's time for me to roll the dice
And take a shot at being me

But it's been a while since I first thought that
And I don't think I'm any closer
To getting over this, getting better
God, I might feel better if I wasn't fat...

I hope I can heal
From the mysterious thing that I suffer from
The thing that isn't there, but plagues my home
And makes me unable to feel

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I love you, random stranger. Thanks for dropping by, and for dropping a line. --Half Mad Writer