~~Been A While~~

Been a while since I last could smile

Wondering when I'll next see you

Spending time playing Blaz Blue

And hoping I can die in style

Now that I am blogging

Seems like I must think

And make those thoughts sink

Into the white pages as the venom stings

From the small shard of ice in my heart

Left over from one too many tears

And one too many foolish fears

I stare at it, and try to start

Pulling it out of me

But it's stuck so deep inside

And there's nowhere for my life to hide

If it's gone, won't there be agony?

If I pull it out, won't I need to face

Every demon I've been avoiding

Since I was nothing but a kid, living

Her life as her dreams she did chase?

Won't I start to cry

And face all the self-hatred I don't like

And look in the mirror, and take a hike

Down memory lane, passing by

All the places I used to go

All the escapes I used to partake in

All the horrific memories of bullies and pain

God, what's down that path I don't want to know

It's been a while since I first got that shard

Been a while since I first cried

But even when I could swear I died

Recovery's never been too hard

Am I as far gone as I seem to believe?

Out of all the people I loved

And all the people away I shoved

How many of them really did leave?

I should recover my sanity

And take out this bit of ice

It's time for me to roll the dice

And take a shot at being me

But it's been a while since I first thought that

And I don't think I'm any closer

To getting over this, getting better

God, I might feel better if I wasn't fat...

I hope I can heal

From the mysterious thing that I suffer from

The thing that isn't there, but plagues my home

And makes me unable to feel