Wednesday, June 19, 2013

~~Not Just Me~~

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put disclaimers, because I usually don't care about how my poems are interpreted. However, this time I think I need to....I'm under stress right now. I'm tired. People won't leave me alone. I don't want to deal with things. I don't want to have weird dreams involving Austin and cuddling. I don't want to have to talk to Hugo about his love life and his worries. I don't want to care about people right now. But I HAVE to. So this is my outlet. Ian, it's...not about you. I love you. I'm just...stressed. Really stressed......

I'm such a fool,
Playing by the rules.
Shots of dark,
And disease.
Shots of life:
Dead inside
Shots of hell:
Dead inside.
It's not just me.
Can't be just me.
Feeling this way.
So bad and it's
So dark.
It's never just me.
There's my friends.
They're young and they're laughing
They're laughing and they're naive.
I am young.
Yet, I am not happy.
But, I don't have
A corner
On suffering.
I don't have
A claim
To fame.
I'm just a kid.
And life is
I'm just a kid
And I am me.
It is not just me.
I am okay.....
I am okay....
I'm okay now!
It's all ok--
It's not oh fucking kay!
I don't want to fight.
I don't want to deal.
I don't want to work.
I don't want to feel.
I just want to fade
It's not okay!
It never was okay!
Walls and touches
Just back away!
If I said
It was okay....
I swear now
It was a lie!
It's just a fucking lie.
It's done now.
Don't love me any more.
I hate you, turn away--
Get away from me.
It's not just me.
It's you!
No, wait....
I take it back.
There's no escape
For me.
I'll look after you.
I will care for you.
I will be good to me.
It is just me....
Just me.
It's you that you care about.
You that you protect.
it's not me.
Never will be me.
I'm just your girl.
I'm just your slave.
I'm just your Angel.
And I won't turn away....
Let me love you.
Let me care.
That's all I know
How to do.
All I understand.
I'l be yours.
I'll be beautiful.
I'll give up
For you.

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I love you, random stranger. Thanks for dropping by, and for dropping a line. --Half Mad Writer