~~For Better~~

I'm not willing

To surrender anymore.

I'm not willing

To give anything away.

I'm not willing

To make my life

Change for the worse--

It's time I got the better.

I don't care

If I can't have one

Without the other;

I don't care

If I should be strong enough

To take this.

I want the better now.

I want the better now....

But the rational part of me,

The loving part of me,

The noble part of me,

Tells me I need to stay.

I need to stay and trust

It will....It will get better.

I know it could take years,

But I've gotta believe.

It might take long

But I'm willing to wait.

I hope I am, at least....

I want the better,

But can I take the worse, too?

Can I take the worse,

Or will I run

To the easy?

I don't want to run to the easy.

I want the better,

But I want the better

With the one I know I love.

I don't want to take the chances

On another

When everything I am....

When everything I am

Just wants

To keep

Trying for the better

While fighting through the worse.

~~Cling~~

Cling to stability

Cling to normalcy

I know you're slipping, but cling

Cling to the wall

Cling to the edge

Don't go. Oh god, I know

You're slipping more and more....

You're slipping out the broken door

I know you're slipping, but please

Slip your way right back here

Slip your way right back to my side

I know. I know.....

I know

I know.

~~When in Doubt: Advice and Ramble Post~~

When in doubt, make people laugh.

No matter how bad it gets, make people laugh. If you don't know an answer on a quiz, even though you've studied for it, come up with the funniest answer possible. Chances are, you'll still get it wrong, but then you'll come off as funny instead of lacking in intelligence. You might not get out of trouble, but make 'em laugh.

If you're shy, make someone laugh. Any way you can. Handle it with laughter. If you've got an accent, you're clumsy, or anything like that--just make them laugh.

You'll do fine, loves. Just make them laugh.

It took me a long time to figure that out. Many, many years of sadness and being bullied.

Don't take as long to realize it as I did, my loves.

~~You Know What Happened, Right?~~

You know what happened, right?

You know I got the guy?

You know I finally won.

You know I ended up finding someone

Truly, truly amazing.

You know I said something

To someone bad

That might get me in trouble.

You know I love Ian,

Despite all the distance.

You know I've changed my life;

Blocked all those who might hurt me.

You know I regret

Some of the people I left.

You know I still love

This darling little blog.

You know I fell in love

With those I should not.

You know I broke the hearts

Of those who said

They loved me.

You know I came close

To losing a very good friend

To death.

You know Emil survived

Despite all odds.

You know that I met a guy

At the Dare to Stand Out conference

And spoke with him for hours on end.

You know I came very close to kissing him.

You know my life is strange.

You know I'm stressed.

You know I'm scared.

You know I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I swear—I'm okay!

Trust me.

~~Let's Stay Locked in Black~~

Whether it's in mourning,

Or, in anger;

Let's stay locked in black.

Let's stay locked in darkness.

Let's stay locked in peace.

Colors only distract

From the smiles we all share.

Colors only show

The dripping tears.

Colors only make us believe

We're better off

Than we are.

Colors only make us thing

We're better off

Than the worst off.

Let's stay locked in black,

My slippery little friend.

Let's stay locked in our own pain,

And make the night rain

Black.

~~Truth~~

The fact is:

You can't believe a word.

The fact is:

There is nothing that is true.

I know it hurts

But it's all lies

I know it hurts

But nothing here is real

Sometimes it seems

Like it's too fantastic

Sometimes it seems

Like it's too good to be true

And maybe it is

True

And maybe it is

Fake

I won't presume

To know the truth

I won't presume

To tell the truth

I say what I believe

I believe what I say

I say what I believe

You need to hear

DISCLAIMER: I'm caught in a huge web of lies. I'm stressed and I don't know what to believe any more. I'm trying to unravel it. I should be okay....I should be okay.

~~Never Said Hello (or Goodbye)~~

You left me here alone

(But you never were by my side)

You were my friend

(But your touch was never known)

You passed away

(I never had you)

I can't forget you

(But there's so much I never knew)