~~A Strange Fickle Joy~~

Distance is great, and loneliness is worse

Joy is inside, and there's daylight too

A bit of happiness, a bit of fear

It's worth it though, in the end

I'm scared and alone, but you're still here

I desire you by my side

I picture you hear, whisper your name

I love you now, in truth

I love you, and that's all there is

Whenever we're apart, I seal myself away

I get lonely, and that hurts

But yet, it's alright

Ian, we'll be together again

Just be safe and well, my darling

Don't you dare get hurt

I will make it until we return....

~~No More Pain....: Life Post~~

Uh, hello my beloved blog readers! As you folks may have noticed, I'm in a kind of odd situation. My blogs, from the very start, have been meant as lifelines for me in my worst moments. They held the truth that I couldn't speak myself, not to anyone. They kept me going, kept me kicking, and because of them I'm here right now.

I'm here right now because I had the strength to tell my story.

Unfortunately, I've found myself in a mildly amusing place....

There is actually no more pain in my life.

Therefore, I am left seriously wondering what I write about. Do I go on for thousands of words about my NaNoWriMo novel? Do I ramble about how happy I am with Ian? Truly, the question of what to do about Ted is the only one haunting me. Do I talk to him, yay or nay? Do I talk to him, yes or no?

The man I loved once....

The man I let go because of what was best for me.

Was it best for me?

Yes, yes it was. No doubt exists in my mind about that fact. With my relationship with Ian now edging into places I never thought possible--namely the coming prospect of us meeting--I'm pleased to say I'm doing incredibly well.

Ian....

He makes me cry from happiness. No one has ever done that. I love him so very much....

Ian.....I love you.

No more pain to speak about, so what do I say? Do I began remarking on the lazy bits of news? What do I say to you?

Oh! Speaking of lazy bits of news, let me begin by listing off some things I may or may not have mentioned that have occurred!

1. I am going by Ian's last name on Skype
2. I am wearing the most beautiful black and purple shiny ring every day on my ring finger ((wedding ring, much?))
3. We're getting a speaker tomorrow in the GSA
4. We're hosting the Dare to Stand Out Conference next year--YES!
5. I'm currently at page 93 in my NaNoWriMo Novel, and I'm at 22,003 words. Yay for me! Dear god I'm tired....

All in all, I am very very happy with my life. I love Ian a lot, and everything is going quite well....

I'm gonna end this post here, darlings.

Au revior~

~~Promise Me~~

Promise me you'll never abandon me

Never turn you back on me

Never lie and never harm me

I placed my trust in you

Even though it's fragile

With hope you would be different

Promise me you'll reward that hope

Promise me you'll love me

Promise me you need me....

~~Our Life~~

I try to think about the possibility

Of the world ending

But it's hard to force those thoughts

I try to form an opinion

On nuclear war fare

But I can't seem to bear it

I don't want to see this world burn

I enjoy it just how it is

I don't want it to end

I don't want to see this world die

There's so much left to live for

Even though we need a restart

I don't want mankind to end

Not in my life time

I want to see Ian first

I don't want mankind to suicide

Not when I have to die as well

I like living more than I'll admit

I don't want this to occur

Can't someone stop it?

Nuke North Korea if you must

I don't want to deal with this

With the chance of my blessed love

Perishing because of his country's war

I don't want this to happen

Can't anyone make it end?

Listen to me, won't you stop it?

Change the way the fates are

Make my worries disappear

Make the world safe again

Change the way mankind operates

The ways our hearts flood with emotion

An emotional state of anger and hate

Won't you make it stop?

Please, don't let this happen

In my life time.....

~~Camp NaNoWriMo~~

The snow has gone at last

It's getting warmer, the sun is out

Clouds drift through the sky

But I don't know what it looks like

 

Here I am, at my keyboard

Hunched over my desk

A cold coffee right beside me

That had been steaming hot

 

Here I am, at my laptop

Typing madly, during class

The teacher glares, but I don't care

I gotta chase that word count down

 

Here I am, it's four am

I'm just collapsing into bed

Here I am, it's eight am

And back to the grind I go

 

Just chase that word count

Who needs sleep? I have coffee beans

Just chase that word count down

Nothing else matters; not this month

 

At the end of the month, I'll apologize

To the people I blow off, but they understand

I gotta chase that wordcount down

I gotta chase that fifty thousand down

 

The words have got me enchanted

Plot points and bunnies dance behind my eyes

They beg me, they chase me, and away

I run, down the rabbit hole again

 

It's April again, and then it will be May

I'll make it there, and then I'll sleep

I'll make it there, victory in hand

And then I'll burn the manuscript

 

It's Camp NaNoWriMo, a month

Of writing like mad

Part hell, part block party

Just write on, until the end

 

I gotta chase this word count down

I have to reach my goal

Every thought and every feeling

I have to chase that word count down....

~~It Happens~~

Obstacles in your way

Taunting voices from the sidelines

The tears of those that fall

It happens

Darkness winning the day

Skinned knees and broken hearts

Memories haunting you

It happens

Life overtaking you

Moments inside that break

Hell within, but get through it

It happens

Everything is going wrong for you

No one seems to be there

But just don't forget

It happens

As long as you learn

As long as you grow

Get through what hurts you

It happens

Smile, and don't be hurt when they spurn

You and turn away

You don't need them

It happens

Remember to love you

Remember to smile

Remember that life goes on

It happens

What matters is if you stay true

If you let it break you, or not

If you move on, or not. Just remember

It happens....

~~Concept of Beauty~~

Perfect hair, perfect skin

Elegance and style

Easy laughter

Doe-large eyes

Soft, soft smile

An attractive, attracting power

What is beauty?

What is beauty to me?

Is it on the outside

Or within?

Is it seen

In the warmth of one's body

Or the warmth of one's soul?

A soul

Can be captured in a picture

With less ease

Than one's body

What can beauty be, then?

Inside, or out?

Is it in one's behavior

In one's own strength and inner power

Or in what most of the world perceives

With a single brief glance?