~~Regaining Wings: Life and Thoughts Post~~

Why is it that this lovely little corner of the web is named thus? At least, the URL is named thus.... The title of the blog itself comes from one of my poems at least a year previous.

So, tell me: Why is it known as "Regaining Wings"?

Is it because I feel like I'm....Fighting to heal? Is that why it is known this? Is it because I feel like I have lost my wings?

Yes.

That is exactly why.

This is my story. This is my story, slowly healing and slowly becoming better. I think....I think I am getting my wings back.

I really think I am.

All I need to do to feel better is whisper Ian's full name. All I need to do to smile like an idiot is think about him and what will happen next year.

And what's that, you ask?

Why, meeting him of course! He's coming up here next year by Greyhound. He'll get a summer job this summer, and come up in the summer of 2014 for a month or so. By the gods....I will get to see him!

I will finally get to see him....

I'm not numb any more. I think I'm feeling.

I think I'm okay. :')

I love you all for listening...

Until later,

Angel.

~~On Handling My Copy of The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls~~

THOU MUST:

• Treat it delicately
• Carry it using two hands
• Treat it like your own child
• Take great care to never get it dirty
• Keep your hands clean around it

THOU MUST NOT:

• Open it too widely
• Drop it
• Get it dirty
• Fold down any of the corners
• Leave it open when it is not in use
• Harm it in any way

I suppose you must be wondering why I wrote that. You see, I brought this delightful novel into school. Why? It's non-fiction. And why is it in school? Because I had to choose a non-fiction book to read in class, and so I chose THIS. Naturally, this means that all my friends are going to gaze in blank wonder at its awesome expensiveness....

God, I love this book!

~~No One Wants to Hurt Me~~

Tell me no more stories

And I'll tell you no lies

I'm tired of being lied to

I'm tired of being used

If I'm an equal, then treat me

Then treat me well

I know you want what's best

But please don't hurt me

Don't do what I want you to

Don't lie to me, just say the truth

I don't want false hope

I don't want to put my faith

In you right now

Not unless I know

Every word you speak is true

I look into your eyes

Wondering, "Can I trust you?"

A weird exhilaration

Pounds through my veins

"I can trust you?"

"I can let you in?"

Everyone I've ever let close

Has hurt me

Without meaning to

They have hurt me

I have hurt them too

And I will make up for it

But scars never fade

You...You I can trust

You....You I will let in

Ian...Ian I'll let you in.

~~Yeah....Yeah This Works~~

So, next year?

Yeah, this works

Greyhound bus?

Sure, it'll take forever though

Money?

I'll ask for help

Oh my god, we're doing this

We can meet

I don't care what my friends say

It's wrong to doubt you

I can't doubt you

Ian...Dear god, Ian!

My heart's racing

I can't.....I can't believe this!

This works

This WILL work

Ian, my love....

You're one of the few people

On this planet

That I care about

One of the few

That makes me care

About anything at all

Ian....Oh Ian

My Ian....

I love you.

I really, really love you.

~~Clinging to Hope: Life Post~~

Not pleased with Sun-Jung right now. *Sighs a bit.* I just...CAN'T I EVEN HAVE HOPE?

Last night I did some research. Guess what: The cost of a Greyhound ticket from where Ian lives to here is $120 dollars. For a ticket back it's basically the same price, so it would be $240 dollars plus meals.

I can afford that. By the gods, I can afford that!

My parents won't let me go to him, but they'll let him come to me. Dear god this could actually work! He's turning eighteen next year and...and this could work! I would rather not spend all that but if Ian gets a job and if my friends are awesome it can and will work.

By my friends being awesome, I mean I know of two--Austin and John--who will be more than happy to help with the money. I WILL work my ass off to pay them back, but seeing as I have a hundred dollars a month allowance, birthday/Christmas/Easter money, and over 2,000 dollars in the bank I'm alright with that.

I can do this....

Next year, I can do this....

I can't stop smiling. I can see him. I WILL see him.

Now for the unfortunateness.

Sun-Jung is not helping. She's making me doubt. She has NO faith in this working. She says that I shouldn't have been so reckless. I told her, and when I realized she was doubting, I kinda quickly started doubting.

CAN I NOT FUCKING EVEN DREAM??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

~~10,000 Words: Life Post~~

Dear My Beloved Fellow Writers,

I am going insane.

I am planning to have written 10,000 words by midnight tonight.

Why? Because I am insane :)

Sooo....Wish me luck darlings!

~~One Hundredth Post: Remarking on Daily Life~~

My life is good.

My life is complicated.

But....I'm happy.

I'm a blogger, a writer, a Redditor, an artist, a Plague Rat...

Why do I feel the need to label myself?

I'm Ian's girlfriend, a lot of people's friend, Hugo's Alexandraboo, a handful of people's ex. I'm Raphael and Alakina's daughter as well as my real parents' child, the cousin of a few, sister to Figments and Xavier, and I'm me.

I'm me and that's what it really comes down to.

I'm me, until the end of the world.

I'm me and I'm writing my hundredth post on this blog. I'm not seeking views any more, I'm not so keen on them. I like being viewed sure, but I'm not fighting for it any more.

I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo right now. I'm on 3,333 words...I gotta get to five thousand tonight, just so I can get ahead of the game. I'm planning on writing in school as well, so I'll quickly rack up the word count. If friendships suffer, then they suffer and I won't stop them.

My tone's changed here, hasn't it? Less emotional. Less to care about.

I think my life is simpler. Wake up, roll over and grab my phone. Soon as it connects to the internet, there's a message from Hugo on Whatsapp and bam I ain't alone any more. I wait and think about Ian, surfing Reddit at the same time. I blog, avoid thinking about Ted, and just move on. I just move on.

I'm moving on.

Finally, I'm moving on....

After so long spent broken, so long spent hurt, I am moving on.

I'm enjoying having a simple life....

A simple life....

I love you....

Always.